


Process of Change

by Nicowafer



Category: Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Drabble, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-17
Updated: 2013-01-17
Packaged: 2017-11-25 19:52:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/642398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicowafer/pseuds/Nicowafer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The process of change is a difficult one, can Baby Doll find her way, find herself? Only time will tell...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Process of Change

“I don't have a problem, doctor.”

“Ms. Dahl. For three weeks you have insisted you don't have an issue, in a variety of different voices.”

“It's not a variety of voices.” Mary pouted, objecting. 

“First it was Baby Doll, then you began to accuse the hospital of holding you without cause in some outrageous Joan Crawford style, then there was the completely innocent act in what I have to assume is your normal voice. I am fine with sitting here and allowing you to perform all you want. I find it quite entertaining and you aren't as dangerous as my other patients. But it's not helping you.” The doctor said pointedly, her pen tapping idly on her clipboard.

Her first time in Arkham was proving difficult for the woman trapped in the body of a child. Her doctor, Dr. Arago was having a difficult time understanding the girl, the woman; getting into the layers of this person who tried to pretend to be so many different people was exhausting. This wasn't an average case of split personality; Mary controlled all these people welling up inside her. She supposed the critics had been wrong to call this woman a bad actress; perhaps Lady Macbeth simply hadn't been her role.

“I...I don't...”

“Yes, I know you don't think you have a problem. Perhaps I asked the wrong question the first time we met. I apologize.” That's what she got for asking what Mary felt was her problem. No, the trouble was Mary had lived like this all her life, she had no idea she had a problem, in her mind, everyone else had a problem. And that problem was usually little Mary Dahl. Mary sighed and bowed her head, as if she had just finished a rather intense scene. Her hands were cradled in her lap, gripping the folds of the overly large orange Arkham uniform shirt she wore.

“Why Baby Doll of all the characters you could of chosen? Wasn't she the reason you ended up in seclusion?” The doctor decided to take a direct approach, since simply asking Mary to talk hadn't worked in all the weeks they had been together, the girl would just sit there and stare, professing that she didn't have a problem.

The woman's tiny, perfect hands gripped that shirt all the tighter at the question. Doctor Arago could see the frustration on the woman's face, no one had asked her why, and no one had ever questioned her motives.

“Because it's the only person people like...it's acceptable for someone who…looks like me to be a child.” Mary's normal voice, a harsh and demanding yet sultry tone escaped her throat. It was surprising to someone who wasn't used to hearing the woman speak. The doctor still found it amazing that someone so small could have a voice with such power.

“I don't find Baby Doll at all acceptable or lovable. She isn't the sort of person I would want to associate with.”

“They liked her.” Mary bit back.

“Who liked her?” The doctor urged.

“All those people at home, all those people who would watch me. Who loved me once upon a time...”

“She was a character, a character you played, Mary; perhaps you played a little too well. They loved you for her. And perhaps if they got to know you they would love you more than they ever loved her.” Dr. Arago reasoned.

“No. They didn't like me. They didn't like it when I was myself, when I did what I wanted. No one loves me.” Mary took a shuddering breath, her hands still clasped to her shirt, the loose material stretching away from her as she pulled at it in her anxiety.

“You are speaking of your role in Macbeth? Well, perhaps that just wasn't your part. Drama is difficult for any actress. Smaller steps are needed, Mary.”

“I have had to take long strides all my life just to keep up with people, why should I have to stop that in terms of my career.” The women stated defiantly. The doctor raised a hand to her forehead, rubbing lightly.

“Mary, I am not here to argue about what you should do with your career or not. Our goal is to help you realize that Baby Doll is simply a character, you shouldn't have to take on her personality to get people to understand or relate to you.” A different approach, hopefully it would be effective.

Mary was silent for some time, as if this had given her something to think about. 

Mary had been quiet for some time. The staff, the nurses, the security had thought it best to isolate her from the rest of the residents of Arkham. She wasn't violent but, she wasn't strong enough, it was decided, to protect herself from the rest. Dr. Arago wasn't sure if this was a proper step for her rehabilitation, Mary seemed to thrive when others were around her, when she wasn't trapped in her own mind and body.

“I know I'm not her.” Mary finally said. “But I can't help that I feel like her...all the time.” Mary was always in costume; she couldn't remove it, it was impossible. At least she couldn't do it alone.

“That'll be our first step then.”

“What?” Mary stared at the doctor, confused.

“Removing the costume is always our first step, sometimes we can help with that, sometimes we can't, with you we can try. Mary, there are things; medical treatments that can help someone like you. They should have given you hormone replacements when you hit puberty, but obviously...” Arago didn't feel she had to finish that statement.

“The show...” That thing had ruined her life, her chance at some semblance of a normal life. She could look like a normal person. Well, perhaps that was a little ambitious. Mary knew her condition was not curable. It wasn't some disease that a bit of tampering with her genes could solve.

“It won't increase your height, but it may give you a more feminine figure.” At least it would be something to help, perhaps something that would make her feel less like Baby Doll and more like Mary.

That had been the first step, and Mary had done well from there, the changes of course wouldn't be at their fullest until two years out. However, they had at least been a stepping stone to rehabilitation. That had been the first time she was in Arkham. The second time, the second time was more difficult.

____________________________________________________________________________

“Why. WHY, Mary? You were doing so well.” Dr. Arago tried to wrap her mind around it all. Why would this woman, who had come so far, drift back to it, all because of something as silly as...as...,Dr. Arago wasn't even sure what to call it. She turned that question to her patient. Mary should have been looking more feminine but she had gone off her drugs while parading around with the reptile and now she looked very much the same as she had when she first came to Arkham three years ago, a scared little girl.

“I just....I was just so lonely...no one understood and I thought...I thought he did.” But of course he didn't, he had lied to her, like everyone else. Trusting was for fools, Mary had decided.

“You were doing so well...”

“I seemed to be doing well. But really I was so lonely, so alone. The world is a scary place. I didn't have to work last time, didn't have to go out there and live a life.” She'd had enough savings, but after legal fees and paying off the hired help she hadn't had much left for herself; work had become essential and the only job she had found at been in the lobby of some hotel.

“Everyone is scared of a real life, Mary, but you can’t let that fear control you.” It was cliché, but it was true nonetheless. Mary seemed to curl up at that, holding her knees to her chest as if trying to squeeze herself out of existence. 

“I…I’m not strong enough.”

“Are you kidding me? That voice, the way you took on Batman? The gall it took the stand up to Croc and tell him you weren’t going to let him betray you? Doesn’t sound like someone who’s scared to me.”

“But that was Baby Doll. Not me…not Mary. I don’t…I don’t even know who Mary is…” 

“If you want others to love you, Mary, truly love you, then perhaps you need to figure that out for yourself. Learn to love yourself and then you can expect other people to.” Most of that, Dr. Arago thought, would have to be done on her own. Drugs and therapy could only do so much; the rest was up to Mary.


End file.
